Apparently the latest "doomsday" for fundamentalist Christians is May 21, 2011. I've seen billboards all over town. Seriously! It even says "the Bible guarantees it!" So, I thought to myself, "Self? I'll bet those churches have a lot of money that's going to simply go to waste starting May 22, 2011". After all, I figured, the churches won't have any parishioners or clergy left. They'll all be up in Heaven. What's a Wiccan like myself to do?
I came up with what seemed to be a logical solution. The churches that believe in the Rapture could send me all their money via PayPal, with a preset transaction date of 5-22-2011. After all, they won't be here and we Pagans will be. And given that Pagans and Wiccans are the true stewards of the Earth, I figure that I could plant a whole lot of trees and flowers with the unused cash being hoarded in the Rapture-believing churches.
So I wrote to the pastor of the local Rapture-believing church that had put the doomsday signs all over town. I politely explained that I, as a Wiccan, won't be getting scooped up to heaven in six weeks but would certainly look forward to doing some ecological renovation in the Baltimore area -- if only I had the financial backing. And I pointed out that the pastor and his flock *certainly* wouldn't be needing all that money in heaven!
Would you believe that the pastor turned down my request? Really! He dismissed the idea right out of hand. One might think (and surely only the most cynical of minds would think) that perhaps the pastor doesn't really believe that every Christian is going to get an Escalator To Paradise in six weeks. Oh he of little faith! I'll bet that he hasn't stopped doing weekly collections on Sunday either. Maybe he thinks he can take the money with him, ha ha!